( There's nothing I can do- A total eclipse of the heart. )

 Y'JUST CAN'T KEEP YOUR GODDAMN LAUGHIN' GEAR SHUT CAN YA Y'GITS. SO I'M ONE HUNDRED EIGHTY TWO BLOODY CENTIMETERS TALL. I'VE GOT KNOCKERS Y'WANKERS. C-CUPS OF JUSTICE IS WHAT THEY ARE.

NOW IF I HEAR 'DUDE LOOKS LIKE A LADY' OR 'SIR' ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BE SCHEDULING YOU LOT FOR AN APPOINTMENT WITH SAINT PETER AT THE PEARLY GATES.

Maddie, Amelia. You ( Read more... )

What the bleeding fuck is this? Corblimey, I'm spouting nonsense -more than usual- all over. I can't shut up - probably because I have a lot of shit I don't tell you, mates- and it's really drivin' me mad as a meat axe. I thought that letter was a gag but then mum walked into the room and I told her the makeup she'd applied that morning looked like ( Read more... )

OF ALL THE DAFT, STUPID, THICK SKULLED THINGS YOU'VE DONE, I NEVER THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE ABLE TO PULL SOMETHING OFF AS RIDICULOUS AS TRYING TO SMUGGLE A BABY CROCODILE THROUGH THE AUSTRALIAN CUSTOMS. BUT THEN,  I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN, YOU'RE JUST LIKE YOUR FATHER- WHO WON'T BE HERE TO BAIL YOU OUT THIS TIME, THE WANKER- ALWAYS MANAGING THE IMPOSSIBLE ( Read more... )